assistant position? I want this job as an office assistant and although I'm well-versed in windows and MS Word, I don't remember too much about the spreadsheets and database stuff.

How can I quickly learn this so I can fake out a potential employer?

Open up MS Excel and play around with it. Chances are your employer uses excel more than Access, so work on that one first.

Also, go to your local library and see if they have "excel for dummies" or a similar type manual. Usually those are written in a way that you can read them in a few days and make sense.

It's not very difficult. In the world of work, that is BASIC. Just open up Excel and type!